Lower Your Expectations. No, Lower.

Grumpy Capy’s Blog Post:

Greetings from my emotional support blanket.

It’s me, your favorite emotionally exhausted rodent with a caffeine addiction and a low tolerance for nonsense, Grumpy Capy. I didn’t want to write this blog, but apparently, if I don’t show up every now and then, people start assuming I’ve “gone on a wellness retreat.” Spoiler: I have not. I’ve just been busy contemplating the abyss and side-eyeing productivity culture.

So let’s talk about something important …

Motivation? I Don’t Know Her.

Every productivity guru is out here screaming about 5 a.m. cold plunges and hustle vibes while I’m just trying to remember if I brushed my teeth or if that minty feeling is from last night’s regrets.

You want goals? Here’s mine:

Wake up. Don’t scream. Maybe respond to one email without throwing my laptop into a swamp. Eat something that isn’t passive-aggressive trail mix.

That’s growth, baby.

Self-Care? More Like “Self-Don’t-Talk-to-Me.”

I tried journaling. Got through half a page before I wrote, “This is stupid,” and drew a tiny middle finger.

I tried meditating. Immediately fell asleep and woke up angrier.

I tried yoga. Got stuck in Child’s Pose and had an existential crisis.

So now I just sit in a warm bath of sarcasm and iced coffee and call it “healing.”

To-Do List? More Like “Suggestions I Will Ignore.”

There are currently 47 tasks on my list, and you know what I did today?

I stared at them.

Then I added “stare at to-do list” to the list.

Then I checked it off.

I’m basically a productivity god.

Final Thoughts (Before I Go Hibernate Again)

Not everything has to be optimized. Not every moment has to be a lesson. Sometimes you’re just a tired, introverted capybara doing your best in a loud, emotionally draining world.

And that’s enough.

Now leave me alone … I’m busy doing nothing. It’s a full-time job.

With all the love of a half-finished iced latte and none of the patience,

—Grumpy Capy