Category: Life in your forties

Posted in chronic illness, chronic pain, Life in your forties, mental-health, Migraine, self care, writing

Commitment Issues (But Make It Chronic Illness)

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Let’s clear something up real quick …

It’s not that we don’t want to commit. It’s that our bodies don’t RSVP in advance.

People love to label it “flaky.”

Unreliable.

Commitment issues.

But what they don’t see is the internal negotiation happening every single time we say yes to something. Because “yes” doesn’t just mean showing up. It means calculating energy levels. Pain levels. Medication timing. Recovery time. The very real possibility that our body will wake up and choose violence.

We don’t make plans casually … we make them hopefully. And hope is a fragile thing when your body has a history of breaking promises.

So yeah, sometimes we cancel.

Not because we don’t care or because we’re inconsiderate, but because the same body we trusted yesterday decided to change the rules overnight.

And the guilt? It’s heavy.

We replay the conversation. We worry about how it looks. We tell ourselves we should’ve pushed through … even when we know pushing through has consequences.

So we start doing something else instead.

We hesitate.

We say “maybe.” We keep plans loose. We protect our energy before we even have it.

Not because we’re unreliable, but because we’ve learned the hard way that overcommitting comes with a cost our body will collect later.

This isn’t a lack of commitment.

It’s survival with a nervous system that doesn’t follow a schedule.

And if you’ve ever felt like a bad friend, a bad partner, or a “maybe at best” kind of person because of it … You’re not broken. You’re adapting.

Blessed be 💫

Posted in Life in your forties, Perimenopause, Womanhood, writing

The Funny Comeback Queen: A Survival Guide for the Verbally Witty

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Some people meditate.

Some people journal.

And some of us survive awkward conversations by deploying a perfectly timed comeback and walking away like a movie character who doesn’t look back at explosions.

Welcome. You’ve found your people.

Being a Comeback Queen isn’t about being cruel. It’s about reclaiming your voice when someone hands you nonsense wrapped in confidence. It’s about humor as armor, wit as self-defense, and knowing when a well-placed sentence can end a conversation faster than an emergency exit.

The Anatomy of a Perfect Comeback

A good comeback isn’t loud. It’s precise.

It usually contains:

Timing so sharp it could cut glass A calm face that says I said what I said Just enough humor to make everyone else laugh while the target blinks slowly in confusion

Bonus points if you walk away immediately after delivering it. The exit is part of the magic.

Why Funny Works Better Than Mean

Mean gets attention for five seconds. Funny gets remembered forever.

Humor disarms people. It lets you hold your boundaries without becoming the villain in someone else’s story. You’re not fighting, you’re just narrating reality with better dialogue.

And honestly? Life is too short not to enjoy the moment when someone realizes they underestimated you.

Signs You Might Be a Comeback Queen

You think of the perfect response immediately … not three hours later in the shower. Your friends text you screenshots asking, “What should I say back?” You’ve ended at least one conversation with a single sentence and a smile. You believe sarcasm is a love language.

The Victory Dance Is Mandatory

When a comeback lands perfectly, something ancient awakens. You don’t even mean to celebrate, but suddenly you’re dancing in your kitchen, grinning at nothing, replaying the moment like a highlight reel.

That little dance? That’s not arrogance. That’s relief. That’s your nervous system saying, we handled that beautifully.

The Golden Rule of the Comeback Queen

Use your wit to protect your peace, not destroy someone else’s.

The goal isn’t to win every argument. The goal is to leave the conversation feeling like yourself again.

Sometimes the strongest response is silence.

But when the moment calls for it …

Deliver the line.

Hold eye contact.

Exit stage left.

And maybe dance a little on the way out.

Posted in Life in your forties, mental-health, self care, Womanhood

Easy-Peasy Self-Care for Busy Women with ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety

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Self-care advice often sounds like it was written for someone with unlimited energy, time, money, and motivation.

If you’re living with ADHD, depression, anxiety … or all three at once, that kind of advice can feel impossible. Sometimes even basic things feel heavy. Sometimes just getting through the day is the achievement.

This is self-care for real life.

No perfection. No hustle. No shame.

Lower the Bar. On Purpose.

Self-care doesn’t need to be impressive.

It doesn’t need to be aesthetic.

It doesn’t need to “fix” everything.

If something helps even a little… it counts.

Lowering the bar isn’t giving up. It’s meeting yourself where you are and choosing kindness instead of pressure.

If You Can’t Get Out of Bed, That’s Okay

Some days, getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain. On those days, self-care can look like staying put and doing one tiny thing:

• sipping water

• taking your meds

• stretching your toes

• opening a window

That’s not nothing. That’s care.

Pair Care with Dopamine

ADHD brains work better with rewards, not willpower. One of the easiest ways to make self-care doable is to pair it with something you already enjoy.

Try this:

• coffee = meds

• shower = favorite song

• skincare = podcast or comfort video

If you don’t do it perfectly, that’s fine. If you skip it entirely, that’s fine too. There is no punishment system here.

Halfway Is Enough

You do not have to finish the whole task.

• fold some laundry

• wash only the forks

• clean for two minutes

Half done is not failure.

Half done is progress.

Make Life Ridiculously Easy

You’re not lazy. You’re tired. You’re overstimulated. You’re adapting.

Make things easier on purpose:

• keep water next to you

• keep snacks where you sit

• put a trash can by the bed

Convenience isn’t cheating. Convenience is self-care.

Regulate the Body First

When anxiety spikes, logic usually doesn’t help right away. Your nervous system needs calming before your thoughts can follow.

Try grounding through your senses:

• cold water on your wrists

• pet something furry

• wrap yourself in a heavy blanket

• hold something textured

Calm the body first. The brain will catch up later.

One Tiny Promise a Day

Forget the overwhelming to-do list.

Choose one small promise you know you can keep.

One task. One moment. One gentle win.

Momentum grows from success, not pressure.

Rest Without Earning It

You do not have to be productive to deserve rest.

Rest is not a reward.

Rest is maintenance.

You’re allowed to stop. You’re allowed to lie down. You’re allowed to breathe without justifying it.

A Reminder You Might Need Today

You are not lazy.

You are not broken.

You are tired, overstimulated, and still trying.

And that matters more than you think.

Posted in adhd in women, book editor, Life in your forties

ADHD in Women, Or Why My Brain Is a Computer with 87 Tabs Open, All Buffering

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I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing and cried in my car.

If you’re a woman who’s ever put your phone down mid-text and never found it again (until it rang from inside the fridge) welcome. You might have ADHD. Or what I like to call: Hot Mess Brain with Bonus Features.

We’re not talking about the bouncing-off-the-walls kid stereotype. No, no. Female ADHD is the ✨limited edition✨ adult version, complete with:

Olympic-level procrastination, 3,000 unfinished projects, emotional breakdowns because your sock feels weird, and a deep, soul-crushing shame spiral because someone asked you to “just make a list.”

ADHD in Women: The Sneaky Ninja Edition

When we were little, people didn’t notice. We weren’t “bad.” We were weirdly talkative, always doodling, and somehow acing tests but still losing our backpack inside of our own house.

Instead of getting diagnosed, we got called:

“So creative!”

“Such a chatterbox!”

“A little dramatic, don’t you think?”

Spoiler alert: We weren’t dramatic. We were literally having a full-blown executive function meltdown because we had three assignments, zero clue where our planner went, and the overwhelming urge to alphabetize our nail polish instead of doing any of it.

Adulthood Hit Different

Fast forward to adulthood, and now you’re:

Crying over a dirty dish. Forgetting your kid’s field trip form (again). Hyperfocusing on a new hobby you’ll abandon in six days. Paralyzed by an email that’s been sitting in drafts since the Bush administration.

And everyone around you is like, “Just be more organized!”

Girl. I tried to be organized. I bought six planners. I even color-coded them. You know where they are? Under my bed. Next to the dumbbells I swore I’d use during my “fitness era.”

You’re Not Lazy, Your Brain Just Thinks It’s in a DJ Booth

ADHD brains love dopamine. We crave stimulation. That’s why we can’t clean our room … unless we trick ourselves into a 12-hour cleaning montage with music, snacks, and existential dread.

Our emotions? Turned up to 11. We cry at dog videos, spiral after one passive-aggressive text, and feel personally attacked by to-do lists.

We also love:

Interrupting people (sorry, I just had a THOUGHT and I must SHARE IT), re-reading the same sentence 8 times and still not knowing what it said, starting a new life plan at 2:34 a.m. and forgetting it by morning.

Coping Mechanisms? I’ve Got Memes and Magic

Here’s how I survive:

Use timers like I’m defusing a bomb. Pretend I’m on a reality show called “Will She Remember to Eat?” Surround myself with people who don’t judge me for sending 12 chaotic texts in a row because I forgot what I was saying halfway through. Forgive myself when my brain does That Thing™ again.

Final Thoughts (Before I Forget Them)

ADHD in women is real. It’s messy. It’s misunderstood. And it’s often missed for YEARS.

But here’s the deal: You’re not broken. You’re brilliant, hilarious, compassionate, and operating on a whole different frequency.

One minute you’re crying in the grocery store, the next you’re writing a novel in one sitting. That’s not a flaw—it’s your sparkle.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go finish that thing I started six days ago … or start something new entirely. Who knows? ADHD is an adventure.

If you relate to this blog post, you should pick up You Were Never Broken.